Bad Night Before Christmas

Jeff Long from an eBay Ad 2001.01.05

A little poetry to celebrate Christmas, as well as express a little frustration, by Toby Denham.

Bad Night Before Christmas

It was the night before Christmas
When all through the house
Everything was quiet
Except the click of my mouse.

Cruising through eBay
With the utmost of care,
Hoping to find some Matt stuff
That's sure to be there.

My children were nestled
All snug in their beds
While visions of Pokemon
Danced in their heads.

When all of the sudden,
I began to shutter.
My brain began swirling
Not a word I could utter.

I could not believe it!
To contain myself, it was hard;
But there on the computer screen
Was Jeff Long, Mint on a Mint Card!!!

Well, faster than the Space Shuttle
My course of action was laid
To win that Jeff Long
By the highest bid made.

With minutes to go
Before the auction's end
I pressed the button,
My bid to send.

Then watched in great excitement;
Jeff Long soon be MINE!
But ... wait ... What's this.
It can't be ... what a SWINE!

I cannot believe my misfortune;
My prize has been swiped
By some unforeseen SOB!
Dad-gummit I've been SNIPED!!!

Oh well, So be it;
That's the way it goes.
As I stood up from my chair,
I started picking my nose.

And looked at the computer screen
With disgust and dismay;
How could anyone
Do me this way.

So I exclaimed under my breath
As I began to ball,
"Merry Christmas Jeff Long,
MINT ON A MINT CARD AND ALL!!!

All Mattel images and captions are copyright Mattel and used without permission. All other content, including images and editorial, is Copyright © 1997-2023 John Eaton and/or contributors unless otherwise stated. If there are any comments or objections, please contact John Eaton.